Spots. Like pots, but they’re only available to the 16-18 age group, and once you get them you can’t get rid of them; they’ll just disappear overnight.
Bill’s Pot, the stoner companion to a bills pot. But only for Bill
Get Paid Surly. You get your wages early, but the app won’t be happy about it.
Park Mode where the app is in different shades of green and occasionally a duck swims past on top of the transaction drawer
Wet Paid Early. If it Rains you get paid.
Wet Maid Surly… I think thats a different app
It was only when Get Made Early was suggested, was he told to furrgeddaboutit.
Pet paid early – your money is sent to your pets. If you don’t have pets you can nominate someone else’s
Met paid early – your money is sent to the Met Police
We give you dad jokes up front but you’ve got to come back to us with 3 more in a month’s time
Tie in with Happy Days, rebrand as Fonzo. Theme tune plays when you open the app, sound of an incoming payment changed to Fonzie saying ayyyy.
This may turn out to be a strangely prescient prediction
Never doubt the power of my crystal ball
“Siri, remind me to obsessively refresh the Monzo forum starting at 1.55pm.”
So does this mean we’ve got another hour of stupid guesses?
Not if I use my new feature, Get Feature Early
You’re only just using it? I got it yesterday
Get Refunded Early
Made a purchase you regret? Can’t be bothered with the hassle of a chargeback?
Just type “Ctrl Z” into online chat and we’ll refund any purchases made in the last 24 hours"
At 2pm we’ll be told there are no updates today - then it’s clear whether there are any updates. Am I right?
Reminds me of the scene in IT Crowd
What’s Going Onzo?
Revolutionary new way of combining banking with a cutting edge calendar app.
Monzo acquisition target: https://airbridge.app/