Roman Numerals - We’ve just updated Monzo to replace numbers with roman numerals. Annoyed your bank balance of £10,000 won’t fit on the screen? Now it’s just X
13 Likes
And if you upgrade to Plus, you get it in binary!
5 Likes
Get neighed early - a horse animation just before your pay
8 Likes
Can we have Monzo plus today please and take my money 
1 Like
Temporary cards - you asked for virtual cards for security. Monzo will now deactivate and replace your physical card after every purchase, helping you to think hard before you spend anything.
2 Likes
Forget Loans introducing Groans. Instead of lending you Money we will take money from your account and charge you interest for doing so.
3 Likes
How would Monzo’s UI react to having a balance of M̅M̅M̅M̅M̅M̅M̅M̅?
3 Likes
Also suggested in that same meeting:
Get Weighed Early (for the fitness fanatics and dieters)
Get Trade Early (for business accounts)
Get Glade Early (for those who want a fresher smelling home?)
Get Maid Early (for those who have a cleaner)
Get “Hey”'d Early (for anyone who likes informal greetings)
Get Hay’d Early (to go with get Neighed early)
Get Spayed Early (for the responsible pet owners)
5 Likes
You missed Get Laid Early (for tinder fanatics not wanting the chat)
4 Likes
Potholes
Overspent on your bills this month? Get an instant loan to cover the gap and tarmac you over until payday.
3 Likes
Well if we’re just doing dadjokes, let me give you my apalling thread from Feb:
7 Likes
Quark Mode, where everything is made of cheese
2 Likes
Freeze bills - stops all outgoings and links to both phone app (auto-forwards all predicted incoming calls from associated vendor(s) to voicemail) and email app (sends all emails from vendor(s) domain to junk)
Pain in the App - vibrates horrendously when a payment is made. Even harder when the phone is in your back pocket.
3 Likes
Spots. Like pots, but they’re only available to the 16-18 age group, and once you get them you can’t get rid of them; they’ll just disappear overnight.
5 Likes
Bill’s Pot, the stoner companion to a bills pot. But only for Bill
2 Likes
Get Paid Surly. You get your wages early, but the app won’t be happy about it.
6 Likes
Wet Paid Early. If it Rains you get paid.
Wet Maid Surly… I think thats a different app
3 Likes
It was only when Get Made Early was suggested, was he told to furrgeddaboutit.
1 Like
We give you dad jokes up front but you’ve got to come back to us with 3 more in a month’s time
1 Like
Tie in with Happy Days, rebrand as Fonzo. Theme tune plays when you open the app, sound of an incoming payment changed to Fonzie saying ayyyy.
7 Likes