Hey all, this might be a niche topic but I am going to be a new dad in a few months! Apart from the usual expect no sleep and be prepared to be more tired and have more coffee! If there’s any wisdom the community can spare, that would be great. I know there’s mumsnet. But thought i’d ask Monzo to see what advice i get, or even better what tech i should buy
Congratulations!
Congrats!
Everyone will be throwing opinions your way like they’re facts but you need to be comfortable with your own choices and do what you feel is right.
Tech really isn’t that big a deal. I’d suggest some good network cameras so that you can check in on them easily, but beyond that babies are pretty low tech and nothing beats spending time with them!
My biggest piece of advice would be to be there for your partner. Having a baby is incredibly tough on women and doing every little thing you can to make the transition easier for them will go a long way. Whether that’s changing nappies, making meals or just taking care of the baby to let them get some rest.
We use Aldi wipes. I’m not saying they’re better or worse, but I would be minded to go cheap and then spend more if you feel you need to.
We spent years paying for Pampers before switching to Asda nappies, which were effectively the same.
You’re going to get tired, and you’re going to get angry, with your partner and with your baby - it’s natural, take time away when possible and remember they are just a baby and your partner is also exhausted.
It’s hard mate, f-ing hard, so don’t let anyone delude you with “it was easy for me”, if you find it easy then it probably means someone else is doing all the hard work.
Support each other, absolutely you must help each other, make sure you take turns with the late night feeds so other can sleep at least a few times a week. Take turns with everything equally to give your partner and yourself time to switch off (good luck)
At some point your baby will pick a time of day, probably the evening, to scream for hours and hours for no reason. It will do this every day and you will go absolutely bonkers. Accept it, try to stay calm and understand it doesn’t last forever (though it sure as hell will feel like it).
Don’t ever, ever leave your baby alone in the bath - not even just to pop away for a few seconds - do not do it.
Final piece off advice, and I didn’t believe this at the time but now I understand, my boy is 11 years old and I worry more about him now than I ever did as a baby.
Firstly, congratulations!
Secondly, having been through it three times myself, my only bit of advice would be, don’t take other peoples advice, and just do you. You will all fall into your own routine and way of doing things, but there is no hiding the fact that the first couple of months will be brutal.
Depends on your new arrival. Both ours slept all night from the off
Claim Child Benefit even if you’re getting more than £50k as it covers your pension contributions even if CB itself doesn’t pay you anything.
Start a Shares Junior ISA. There’s 18 years to play with; cash ISA is a bad choice given that amount of time. You can even start a SIPP (pension) for them.
Open a cash ISA account too for them for the prezzies they’ll be getting.
This absolutely this. If you’re going down the BF route, try and make sure you have a good pump so that you can share the responsibility.
Oh and you’ll be surprised by how much you end up Googling…
Thank you all so far, loving the honest advice and comments. I am going to definitely start a junior ISA. Will probably stop doing my ISA and put it to the babys one. Everything is for the children after all
I didn’t know the child benefit could work but i’ll keep that in mind. Sadly my wife was let go from her position in April and she’s been trying her best but the market is tough. Personally I think she was let go since it was a new job and they got an inkling that she was pregnant and they terminated her before her 6 month probation was even up! So we are not even eligible for statutory maternity pay or anything. I am going to try and get any financial help I can so the child benefit is somethign i am gonna look into
On another note did anyone do the classes? where you get educated on how to hold the baby, feeding changing etc. I am just anxious i am going to do something wrong
You’re not going to do It wrong!!!
One thing that we did ‘wrong’ when our eldest was going onto solid food was to give him some chicken tikka. It went in, stayed in a reasonable time so didn’t mess him up but he did turn bright red
Don’t. You can’t lift money out of the junior ISA and may need money before they hit 18.
Just on the ISA thing. I’ve obviously got no idea your financial situation, but you HAVE to put yourselves first. Don’t stress to be saving money for the kid now that will be locked away.
Put your financial situation first and work to be in a position down the line where you can safely lock away money for the little one.
In the first few years we kept Junior ISA solely for gifts we were given by family. It’s only recently that we’ve started regular contributions to it.
I don’t believe you can do anything catastrophically wrong so don’t worry about it too much. It’s mostly common sense and you quickly figure stuff out as a team (you, partner and baby).
And by this I mean it’s very easy to spiral with lots of worries and endlessly research on all aspects. Which, just like Googling symptoms of illness for yourself, can actually exacerbate concerns.
At the end of the day what works for others won’t necessarily work for you. It’s lots of trial and error.
The classes are definitely worth it, but the one lie they told was about waking the baby for feeds. Hungry babies will always wake up - there is never any reason to wake them proactively! My wife still thanks me now for suggesting we don’t do it!
Other than that, just make sure you hold the head up before they get their neck muscles*, and ENJOY!
*I knew ours was ready when he lay on his back and arched his entire body on his feet and neck!
It’s not too late to run.
But seriously… Congratulations
Congratulations!
Sleep now while you can and when the little one arrives take as much help as the grandparents are happy to provide.
We often help out and take the two boys to let Mam & Dad get some rest
Congratulations.
I’ll start by saying, the lack of sleep is the worst part (in my opinion) and shouldn’t be underestimated (Coffee may not touch the sides). It raises tensions and could possibly lead to you and your partner snapping at each other etc. Just try to remember that you are both tired and over-sensitive.
The biggest piece of advice is just to take it one day at a time and don’t worry. It’s a huge thing and no one really knows what they are doing with their first, no matter how much they’ve researched. No two babies are the same so what works for one, doesn’t necessarily work for another. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
On a lighter note, try all nappy brands (but not Huggies, unless you really need to), all brands are different and some work better than others. For example, Aldi’s works best for my eldest but my youngest is in Sainsbury’s own.
Thank you all so far! i think i’ll definitely get myself booked into a class to learn the basics and will be a good experience for my wife and I. We are a bit cautious since the first time around we had a miscarriage, never realised how much of a toll that would be on our lives. But being positive this time around but want to be sensible at the same time
The nappy brand discussion has got me more excited to even have that dilemma soon
Wake up every morning and tell yourself three things you’re grateful for, and go to bed every evening and tell yourself three things you’ve enjoyed that day.