This is frying my brain right now… I think I’m going to go and learn Spanish instead…
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Hola!
¿Dónde está la biblioteca?
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Está a la vuelta de la esquina, junto al ayuntamiento. (blame google translate if it’s wrong!) 
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The only Spanish I know is from Dora the explorer and Deadpool 2. My daughter is in physical pain when I try and help her with her Spanish homework 
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Get Boots round to help with the homework!
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Affect and effect is similar to licence and license. License is the verb, so when you are licensed to drive you receive a driving licence. I remember that because your licence is a card.*
Another tip I use is necessary – one coffee two sugars
*Yes, it’s different in America.
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Never Eat Cake, Eat Sardine Sandwiches And Remain Young. It’s been in my head for over 40 years.
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That’s good. Reminds me of sine and cosine maths lessons for my GCSEs decades ago:
Silly Old Harry, Chased A Horse, Through Our Attic
to remember which function to use for which sides of the triangles.
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in primary school we learnt it like this:
Affect = Action (verb)
Effect = End result (noun)
Exceptions will be pronounced differently, eg affect is usually used in emotion/mood type descriptions and is EH-fect rather than uh-fect
Effect as a verb is usually only used in conjunction with the word change, ie effect change.
I remember searching this question just to be sure before and learnt a pretty neat trick. You can check if it’s a verb or a noun by placing an article in front (eg ‘the’) and see if it still sounds OK. If it is, it’s a noun.
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Here’s another one - Stationary vs Stationery
Paper goes in an envelope so that’s stationery.
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All these grammar points make me realise I’m not such a nit-picking freak after all! 
Now, about the Greengrocer’s Apostrophe…
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But if they all do it, surely it’s the Greengrocers’ apostrophe? 
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Despite being my mother tongue, i’ve decided, hands down, the winner of gear grinding goes to the English Language!!
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People who try too hard when writing a response that it is cringe worthy. Usually when making a complaint or trying to prove a point 
I’d take people more seriously if they just responded naturally instead of trying to make themselves seem more intelligent by using words that just don’t sound right because they’ve randomly swapped them out using a thesaurus. Often without fully understanding them too!
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really long run on sentences that are made difficult to read because the human writing them doesnt use any punctuation or capital letters leaving no visual cues for the reader this causes my brain to to overheat and give up reading for fear of mental collapse
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The constant stream of people who claim they feel humbled by events which are anything but humbling.
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I’d acquiesce with this…
I may have used a thesaurus…
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It’s amazing how people struggle to spell my name.
‘Can I take your first name please’
Me ‘guy’
'And how do you spell that?
My heart sinks every time
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Stop making me Google stuff!
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Another one I’ve just seen is ‘would of’ and ‘could of’ instead of ‘would have’ and ‘could have’.
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