Make me laugh.
Anyone who gets a 
react made me chuckle at the very least.
A horse walks into a bar.
The barman asks what he wants.
The horse, unable to communicate or understand him whatsoever (he’s a horse) stares blankly at the wall, poos on the floor and leaves.
1 Like
Revolut not completing their banking licence in the UK in a timely manner.
I’ll get my coat.
2 Likes
The community 
today for sure.
1 Like
I applied for a Co-OP account last week Tuesday 27th, got approval email in two hours. As of right now, I don’t know my account number/ sort code, no card through the post, no online banking details, no communication whatsoever and the earliest switch date they had was 23rd February.
What more jokes do you need?
1 Like
I bought a DVD, in the extras it said deleted scenes. Went to look, nothing there.
3 Likes
I went to the bank to make a deposit.
They asked if I’d eaten recently, checked my iron levels, and told me to lie down.
I said, “Bit much for a current account, isn’t it?”
That’s when I realised…
this wasn’t a financial institution at all. It was the blood bank.
No interest. No fees.
Just a complimentary biscuit and the unsettling knowledge that I was the asset. 
4 Likes
Why doesn’t the barman ask:
“Why the long face?”
3 Likes
I don’t like stairs. They’re always up to something.
4 Likes
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
I knew I’d posted that joke fairly recently somewhere. And then found it here on the community:
Bumblebee
Why did Voldemort give up running?
Because he split his sole into seven
2 Likes
A man is born with no arms, legs, or body - just a head. He grows up, falls in love with the head cheerleader, but is depressed because he has no chance. A genie appears and grants him one wish. He wishes to no longer just be a head. He wakes up as a grape. He bounces over to the cheerleader’s house to declare his love, but she screams and stomps him to death.
Moral: Quit while you’re a-head.
3 Likes
What do you call a man with no arms, legs, or body in the sea?
Bob
2 Likes
What did Dr Who have for his dinner
Dalek Bread
2 Likes
What do you call a blind dinosaur?
A Do-you-think-he-saurus.
What do you call a blind dinosaur’s dog?
A Do-you-think-he-saurus Rex.
2 Likes
I finally bought the limited edition Thesaurus that I’ve always wanted. When I opened it, all the pages were blank. I have no words to describe how angry I am.
5 Likes
I refused to believe my road worker father was stealing from his job… But when I got home all the signs were there.
5 Likes